Avoid Separation

Baby Diapering

Is Your Baby Ready For Potty Training

You’re getting tired of changing those diapers, aren’t you? It’s so great to be able to get your child out of diapers. But, when it comes to potty training, timing is everything. If you start when your child isn’t ready, it will just take longer. However, if you miss the right opportunity, your child may resist the process more when you try later on. So, just how do you know when to begin?

First of all – forget what your mom told you about having you potty trained by the time you were eighteen months old. She probably just had herself trained to sit you on the toilet at regular intervals, which is not the same as being fully potty trained. It’s really best not to even think about potty training until your child is two. But, for most children, the right time will hit sometime between the ages of two and three.

When your child is ready to begin potty training, he will show an interest. He will begin to want to observe your toilet habits and will ask questions. Explain that big people go to the potty instead of using a diaper. Even if it makes you uncomfortable, let your child go to the bathroom with you and watch. If you have a son, make sure Daddy is taking him to the bathroom with him, too. Daddy will probably resist this, though I’m not really sure why, since public restrooms make public urination a regular occurrence for the average male! There are several good story books on the market about potty training that you can start reading to him your child at this stage, to help encourage an interest in going potty. There are books geared specifically to boys and those geared to girls, which is helpful.

Another good sign that your child is ready for potty training is his ability to pull his pants up and down by himself. If your child has mastered this step of dressing, potty training will go much more smoothly.

Another important physical sign of potty training readiness is the frequency with which your child urinates. If he is still wetting his diaper every half and hour or so, he is not ready. But, if he’s going one to two hours between wet diapers, then he is able to hold his urine, which is critical to being truly potty trained, at any age.

If you think your child is ready for potty training, check out my article in “Mommy to Mommy – the Truth About Taking Care Of Baby”, where I outline some potty training strategies designed to make this developmental hurdle as painless as possible, for you and the little one. You can pick up this book at http://www.educatedmother.com

The Incredible Importance of You!

The baby was up all night. You promised to bake for the bake sale. The house is a mess. You have a report due at work, and your daughter forgot to do her homework. You are ready to scream . . .

Mothers are supposed to sacrifice themselves for their children, right? Yes, but there is another side to it. As a mother of five, I’ve learned some important things that have changed the way I think about sacrifice. I have learned that the only way to give more to my children is to make sure my own needs are met. I’ve discovered that there really is only one person who can define those needs and make sure they’re fulfilled: me. I have found that, while my husband and I work together to fulfill the kids’ immediate needs, we also have to make sure the long-term needs of our relationship are fulfilled. And I have figured out that getting my needs met is an ongoing endeavor that I must always be vigilant about.

Most of all, I have learned that if I don’t take care of myself, I become resentful and irritable, and ultimately the whole family, and my business, will suffer.

When my babies were small, I made a point of getting out, even though having a baby in tow slowed things down. At home, I looked for opportunities to take hot baths, read good books, or bake special things. I wrote in my journal while my babies slept, and I developed friendships with other moms. I encouraged my husband, Prakash, to develop relationships with each of our children, which allowed me to get the minutes—then the hours—I needed to myself. I found ways to take small “vacations.” At one point, I took every Sunday afternoon off while Prakash cared for the kids. I made arrangements to get massages, have lunch with friends, and exercise.

I have always had something going on in my life beyond the children: a graphic design project or a non-profit business to work with, developing my own business, and the like. I discovered the importance of finding things that brought me joy without sacrificing the needs of my children.

Now that our kids are older, Prakash and I have a regular weekly schedule that gives us both time off. I get Tuesday nights, and he takes Thursdays. Fridays, we go out together—without the kids.

Recently, I have found that if I get ready for bed and take my planning notebook and journal into the bedroom with me, the kids will fall asleep as I work on the next day’s schedule and make the notes that bring clarity to my life. Exercise is another very important way I take care of myself. I make sure I have time for yoga every morning and that I walk or work out at least four times a week.

I know making changes in your life seems impossible when your kids are small. Take the time to define what you need the most, and then find a way to do it. Take your children along, join friends, work out a deal with your partner or your parents. It’s only by taking care of yourself that you can feel good about the sacrifices you make for your children.

Jody Wright is the owner and president of Motherwear. She lives in Northampton, Massachusetts, with her husband Prakash (Motherwear CEO) and their five daughters: Olisa, Mahajoy, Sundarii, Liina, and Emily.

Much Ado In The Loo

It’s hard admitting when you feel like you’ve failed at something.  I know I definitely hate it when I feel that somehow despite my best efforts, I’ve lost a battle.  The battle I am referring to is the battle of toilet training with my toddler.  I was told by so many mothers when I first had my son that I had to be prepared to wait until he is older to toilet train him.  Many women told me that boys were harder to toilet train than girls.  Hence, I took this on as a challenge of my own. 

                  

Why are boys harder to toilet train?  Dr. Phil seems to think all you need is a day to toilet train a child (girl OR boy).  Just coax them into using the toilet with a reward in mind.  Parents were suggested by Dr. Phil to use a “hero” who would contact them by phone to praise them once they used the toilet (the role would be played by dad or a relative on the other end of the phone).  This suggestion made sense to me.  Who wouldn’t want to talk to their favourite hero if all they had to do was use the toilet?

                   

So when my son turned two, I purchased a child potty that he could sit on in the family room to get used to it before using the real toilet in the bathroom.  This was a cracker jack toilet, too. It made flushing sounds and even had music which came on when it was used.  How could this method go wrong?

               

I soon found out that although it was a good idea, my son, was more interested in the sounds it would make than actually sitting on it at all.  He wore out the sounds before he learned that he had to “do” something in it first. 

                

Next, I purchased a toddler seat that sits on a regular adult’s toilet seat, and encouraged him to sit on it for small increments.  He learned how to sit on it while looking at some of his favourite books, and he learned how to flush the toilet and even how to wash and dry his hands.  But low and behold, every time I would go in to check on him, he never once did any business in the toilet.  I even used Thomas the Train, who is his favourite hero, to call him if he did use the toilet.  He told me, yes, he would talk to Thomas, but no, he would not use the toilet.

                  

It’s now become a game.  He is more than two and a half now and I am bewildered at what once I thought would be simple has now turned into a battle of wills with my toddler.  He understands what I am asking – I know he does.  And I tell him every time he uses his “pull ups” that he should want to be a big boy and use the toilet instead.  He should tell me when he feels like he is going to poop.

                        

Unfortunately, when I am being notified is AFTER the poop and not before, which takes me right back to square one.  How could I have been so wrong on this issue of toilet training?  What am I doing wrong?

               

I spoke to a nurse a couple of weeks ago.  When I told her about my concern, she just laughed.  She told me what I already dreaded hearing – boys are harder to train than girls - don’t put such high expectations on it; it will happen sooner or later.  It’s not a failure thing, she reminded me, it’s a nature thing, and all children learn at their own pace.

                                             

My son promises me each day that this will be the day that he will use the toilet, and each day I believe him.  One of these days it will all fall into place, I know that.  I have to stop pushing and just encourage without the pressure.  I look forward to the day we can all have a good laugh about it when he is a grown man – when ironically, I won’t be able to get him out of there.

                         

Kelley Scarsbrook is a Stay at Home Mom, and writes a syndicated column called "Mom at Home" for Black Press in White Rock, BC.  Kelley is also owner of "Yes You Can Be a Stay at Home Mom Consulting Services" which provides inspirational workshops and consulting services for women looking to become Stay at Home Moms, and home-based business start up.  You can visit Kelley's website at http://www.thestayathomemother.com to sign up for monthly tips and upcoming workshops.

Patience Wears Thin

Once the glow starts to fade after a pregnancy for a woman and the hormones are slowly leveling out, our bodies are supposed to go back to normal.  However, there is one step in there that is missing between our “pregnancy stage” and the getting back to normal stage; there is the post partum phase.  What is this very important phase?

 

Firstly, in this stage, for some, a woman’s beautiful, soft skin starts to dry out and small blemishes will start to appear.  The lovely, shiny, much longer and lustrous hair starts to fall out in the shower.  The healthy, long nails that gave us bragging rights when other women ask “are those really yours?” now become dry and brittle and break off at different lengths. (I’m still clinging to about four long ones, which will have to succumb sooner or later, lest I become dubbed as Edward Scissor hands in the future.)

   

But mostly apparent and most disconcerting, is going from a big, beautiful pregnant woman to just plain big.  I’ve watched my stomach shrink over the past three weeks, and I’ve counted the pounds I’ve been shedding every day (yes, every day) but suddenly, as though my luck just ran out, the scale stopped moving.  I’ve even tried different scales, but you can’t hide from the truth, and that ugly truth is that it would appear the rest is left up to me to lose. 

   

I’ve gained 50 pounds in total, so that leaves me with a whopping 30 pounds to lose on my own.  My husband says that I am beautiful and that this post partum phase is a very natural thing my body is going through.  What he doesn’t seem to understand is that it doesn’t matter to me what label you put on it, when I look in the mirror I see fat.  I feel like every time I leave the house without my new born, I should be explaining myself to the cashier at the grocery store “I don’t REALLY look like this – I just had a baby three weeks ago!” or rationalizing to myself that it doesn’t really matter that much that I still only fit into three pairs of pants that I wore DURING the earlier stage of my pregnancy. 

    

The truth is the weight will eventually come off it’s just the work involved that scares me.  I gained even more with my son the first time and I did eventually lose all the weight, and then some, – it just took a year.  To add to my frustration, is that the doctor has told me no rigorous exercise for at least six weeks.  Also, I am to continue to have more calories, as I am breast feeding.  I know people tell me that breast feeding is supposed to take off weight; however I think my body must be an exception to that rule. 

   

I think the answer lies in the notion that after our bodies have gone through so much trauma (which it truly has) that right now is its resting time, and nature intended it to be that way.  And like it or not, I know my body does need the resting time to restore itself before undergoing the strenuous exercising and dieting that I  am so desperate to undertake. 

    

I have two beautiful examples of what my body is capable of doing and that is pretty amazing.  I think that deserves some down time for me before I forge head on to more work for my body.   I should stop obsessing over what I cannot change at the moment and just enjoy the resting time.  As the old saying goes “If life hands you lemons, make lemonade,” so make mine with extra sugar….at least for now.

                     

Kelley Scarsbrook is a Stay at Home Mom, and writes a syndicated column called "Mom at Home" for Black Press in White Rock, BC.  Kelley is also owner of "Yes You Can Be a Stay at Home Mom Consulting Services" which provides inspirational workshops and consulting services for women looking to become Stay at Home Moms, and home-based business start up.  You can visit Kelley's website at http://www.thestayathomemother.com to sign up for monthly tips and upcoming workshops.

Routines Will Change With Second Baby

When mothers are able to get past the initial stages of breast feeding, diaper changing and the constant demands put on them every day with a baby, a strange phenomenon happens to us…..our minds start to wander to doing it all over again.

 

For some mothers it comes sooner than later. Somehow, almost magically, we are able to overcome the memory of child birth, the sleepless nights with constant crying and tender breast syndrome, and it is replaced by memories of blissful, loving times with a baby in our arms.

 

As I look at my son who is now two and a half, and I am one week away from giving birth to my next child, I have to wonder, what was I thinking? I am constantly exhausted, as no matter what happens during the night to me; whether the baby won’t stop kicking or the heartburn is unbearable, every morning like clock work, I must be up and raring to go with my son. The demands put on a stay at home mom with a toddler are draining at times, but it becomes ten fold for the pregnant one.

The worry is also there, along with the guilt. My son has become so used to me at home with just him that I worry that the baby will somehow disrupt that bond, and that my son may be resentful of his mother having to share her time with another child.

I’ve tried to make the transition as easy as possible, from giving him his own special big boy room, equipped with all his favourite heroes and characters from TV to baking cookies at every opportunity. I think I also over did it on Christmas this past year, thinking that perhaps any insecurity he may have, will disappear with a new “Toy Story” action figure.

My husband tells me that these worries are unfounded. He believes that because I discuss the baby with my son every morning (we start off the day by saying good morning to the baby with a kiss) and explaining what his role will be when the baby comes, it has really helped with the process of introducing the new baby to the family. My son loves babies too, in fact, he can’t get enough of them if he spots one on the playground. My husband also reminds me, that most people have siblings (except for him – my husband was an only child). But I have a younger sister and we are very close. I was five when she was born, and I couldn’t wait to have a sister.

So who is right? Will my son have a tough time with the transition or is it going to be me who will have the tougher time? Maybe I have become so used to the dynamic between my son and I at home, that the idea of change really scares me. We are creatures of habit, and perhaps because my routine with my son has finally become comfortable, the idea of changing is a tough one for me.

 

What I do know is that another child is going to be a wonderful, new experience all over again and the best part is, my son will get to be a part of that, and will have a sibling to grow up with. What better gift could I be giving him, truly? And the sleepless nights? Ask me next year – when magically, the memory has once again faded.

Kelley Scarsbrook is a Stay at Home Mom, and writes a syndicated column called "Mom at Home" for Black Press in White Rock, BC.  Kelley is also owner of "Yes You Can Be a Stay at Home Mom Consulting Services" which provides inspirational workshops and consulting services for women looking to become Stay at Home Moms, and home-based business start up.  You can visit Kelley's website at http://www.thestayathomemother.com to sign up for monthly tips and upcoming workshops.

Avoid frequent and prolonged separations

Avoid frequent and prolonged separations from your baby - Babies have an intense need for the physical presence of a loving, responsive parent. Through daily care and loving interactions strong parent-child attachments are formed. Frequent or prolonged separations can interfere with the development of secure attachments.  Try to keep separations down to a minimum when your preverbal baby is young and be responsive to your baby's need for your physical presence. Long separations can cause your baby to go hrough the stages of grief, and can affect his attachment to  you. If separations are inevitable given your situation, then help your child to gradually work towards them. Avoid "caregiver roulette"; continuity of care with a consistent, loving, caregiver, is critical.

From Attachment Parenting International (http://www.attachmentparenting.org/idealseparate.shtml)